Senhor Garrett

One old man giving another old man a haircut. Senhor Garrett, the barber, finished up and brought out a hand-mirror to show the customer his fine work on the nape. The customer was unmoved. He looked at his reflection severely and said nothing.

Senhor Garrett adjusted the barber’s cape, made a few final touches; didn’t bother with the hand-mirror again. The old customer paid and Senhor Garrett helped him with his jacket. The customer was older and frailer than I had imagined, once out of the barber chair.

Not too many haircuts left.

It had taken me some time to find Senhor Garrett. I had been looking all over Porto for just the right one, and today, when I wasn’t even looking, there he was.

For days I had resisted getting a haircut from a bearded hipster: didn’t want a haircut from a man with a perfumed beard and tattooed forearms. Didn’t want to be served espresso and provided with an unforgettable customer experience.

I wanted an old guy with enamelled iron chairs and a barber pole outside. I wanted an old man with cracked mirrors, dead plants and shaky hands.

I found all this with Senhor Garrett, just off Avenida dos Aliados, on our second-to-last day in Porto.

On the wall was a surprisingly well-executed oil painting of the proprietor, Senhor Garrett, standing in front of one of his red-upholstered chairs, as if it were a throne. The pose is regal.

I later found out that a famous nineteenth-century Romantic poet and man of letters from Porto was also named Garrett.

He gave me a memorable haircut, even if he did mangle my sideburns. After he was done, including going over my nape and ears with a straight razor and a pink disposable one, he used a fine instrument to remove my widow’s peak. I’ve never had this done before, so I can only attribute it to Senhor Garrett’s rare artistry.

Two chairs
The interior of Senhor Garrett’s shop. He has five chairs, but like most barbershops these days, only one or two are occupied.
Two customers
One old man giving another old man a haircut.
The sign
The sign that drew me in. You wouldn’t think that the name Garrett is Portuguese.

Laundry day in Gaia

On my long run yesterday I took my phone, which I’ve never done before. I knew my run would take me past the mouth of the Douro River and south along the Atlantic Ocean. I had seen something on my previous run that I wanted to record with my phone camera, and knew this would be my last chance:

A forest of criss-crossed sticks, tied together into rough pyramids and tethered to the ground, on which clothing flapped in the salty air. Meanwhile women emerged from a low building with baskets of wet clothes and apron pockets bulging with clothespins.

Peering into the building’s dark interior, I discovered a series of shallow concrete tubs and local women with plunging their thick arms into the soapy water. Two of the women were wrestling a blue and red carpet into submission.

The echoing concrete and sloshing water made a kind of music of the women’s voices and laughter. They abruptly stopped when they noticed me staring, and then shyly continued their scrubbing.

I retreated, feeling that I had already pressed my luck.

Other bridge
The other bridge, as I ran along Gaia toward the ocean. Note the extreme wide angle, which I don’t like. All I had was my phone camera.
On my long run I managed to reach the Atlantic.
Ladies at work, at a public laundry.

* * *

We arrived in Lisbon today, and on our first walk in the ancient neighbourhood of Alfama, a bird shit on my head. Lucky for me I was wearing a hat and didn’t ruin Senhor Garrett’s fine work. Not so lucky for my hat.



The most beautiful bookstore in the world

On the first evening during the Urban Sketchers Symposium in Porto, participants were invited to visit Livraria Lello (1906), “The most beautiful bookstore in the world.”

Right away, I became suspicious. Sophia Loren was the most beautiful woman in the world. And George Hamilton the most beautiful man. Everyone knows that. But a bookstore?

I set off a couple of days later to find out for myself if Lellos is indeed “The most beautiful bookstore in the world.”

I was crestfallen when I saw the queue to get in. But there’s more. You have to buy a €5 ticket to enter, and this means standing in yet another queue. Then you discover (because no one told you before you bought your ticket) that your backpack is verboten. So you’re obliged to lurk in front of two dozen lockers, all taken, for the privilege of fighting another tourist when one becomes available (and, not incidentally, pay another euro for the locker).

I’m standing on the street, having observed all this. Characteristically, I vacillate. I hate waiting for anything. I don’t do it on principle. But what if I missed “The most beautiful bookstore in the world?” Would the regret haunt me forever? I’m on my deathbed:

“Any regrets, papou?”

“Only one,” I gasp, with failing breath. “I stood at the gates of Lellos, ‘The most beautiful bookstore in the world’ and…”

A fit of coughing prevents me from continuing. My grandchildren, bless them, wait patiently. They moisten my lips with a cloth, and out come my dying words.

“…but I did not enter. I was too lazy.”

Expiring, my hand releases the snow globe I have been clutching, which falls to the floor, rolls across the room and shatters against the wall, revealing…

I paid my money and waited in both lines.

The interior is indeed beautiful. Except that you can’t see more than a sliver at a time because a large Dutch family surrounds you, cutting off your view and your oxygen. The crowd moves, you move with it. You catch a glimpse of something on someone’s phone screen. Beautiful. You line up to pay for a book. You hand over more money.

You’re outside, gulping air. There’s a book in your hand. It’s Dunbar, Edward St Aubyn’s latest, which you actually want to read. St Aubyn wrote the devastating Patrick Melrose novels, and Benedict Cumberbatch recently played Patrick Melrose in the TV adaptation. Role of a lifetime. The most beautiful performance in the world.

Livraria Lello is a money machine. You pay €5 to get in, which you can use toward the purchase of a book. So product flies off the shelf. J.K. Rowling taught English in Porto in the early 1990s, so they’ve managed to yoke her in as well. The connection is tenuous, at best. She probably visited. Must have liked it. Maybe inspired her description of Hogwarts Library. And who is going to deny any of this?
When we went on our port wine tour, we saw many barrels. All made from Portuguese oak.
Later, walking back, I saw a cooper’s truck laden with barrel hoops.
A lady tends her wares. Hundreds of cans of dainty foods, mostly sardines.
People work hard here, and are always smiling.
Working hard
This gentleman, too, is working hard.

Graphic Porto

They’re at it again, the sketchers. Nearly a thousand of them from all over the world, attending the Urban Sketching Symposium in Porto. Dozens parked on staircases, in cafés and on street corners. Faces bobbing at irregular intervals, examining a scene, making a mark or two, looking up again, looking down and making a mark or two, then looking up, then looking down and making another mark.

Repeat, for two hours or more.

At night, the same thing but indoors. Only now, beside the sketchbook sits a glass of beer, getting warm and flat. Then, till all hours of the morning, earnest discussion about vanishing points and pigments.

Urban Sketchers was founded in Seattle in 2008 by Gabby Campanario, and it has since grown into a huge global movement. Gabby works at the Seattle Times, and has taken up running in the last few years. He ran a marathon in Seattle in June, and we compared notes. Which side of the Douro is better to run on: that sort of thing.

The handsome sardine

I don’t know why I’m surprised, but Porto’s graphic culture is at a very high level. And it’s not just the domesticated design of packages, posters, signs and t-shirts. It’s also the wild design on walls, doors and discarded appliances.

(Speaking of packages, tinned sardines come dressed up in splendid little boxes. As in Barcelona, these people are connoisseurs of tinned food and will pay ridiculous money for a can. Entire shops are dedicated to conserved mouthfuls of fish, octopus, squid and other delicacies. Hundreds of handsome packages stacked in gorgeous crayon colours. We ordered a can of sardines the other night, and the open can arrived on a plate, together with the lovely cardboard box respectfully laid alongside, indicating its provenance.)

But I get so easily distracted. What I started to say is that the most exciting graphics are on walls, doors and discarded appliances: ingenious and masterful graffiti animate the twisting streets and lanes of Porto.


Donald in the window

Down the hill
Beauty, everywhere you look.

Life lessons on a t-shirt

A different kind of graphic culture, near-universal in its reach, plays out on t-shirts. How and when, exactly, did t-shirts happen? When did it become permissible to walk around wearing garments that declare, WORLD’S GREATEST GRAMPA?

You see less of this here than in North America. But even here, you get life lessons and comments whether you like them or not: COOL PEOPLE SMILE.


A woman with a toddler in each hand: I LIVE FOR LUST.

A scowling woman in a tight sleeveless:



A little more than a t-shirt, but well expressed by a local.

Montreal high

I went to high school when t-shirts were worn under collared shirts for added warmth in winter, or during gym class. You’d wear a t-shirt during summer to play in the park. But then, during high school, they started to become possible at school. The poorer kids, especially from Pointe-St-Charles, St-Henri and Park Ex might wear a t-shirt to school, usually plain or a solid colour. No logos, no clever words, no graphics.

Imagine the bombshell, then, when a boy named Frank Freck came to school in a white t-shirt, with an all-caps, all-black FUCK OFF across his chest.

“Where did you get that?” I asked, incredulous. But what I really wanted to ask was, how could you?

Frank opened a mouth of ruined teeth and laughed. Fearless, crazy, stupid.

It was as if he’d set his hair on fire, farted loudly during the minute of silence on Remembrance Day, and lit a bong in the principal’s office. All three at once. I couldn’t help but admire him.

And, to be honest, his FUCK OFF was the first life lesson I’ve ever absorbed from a t-shirt. It taught me that I will never possess Frank Freck’s magnificent nerve.

Wedding dress
The ghostly wedding dress and kitty on the shoulder caught my eye.

All you can drink

I was having an espresso at a downscale little café yesterday, where a posted sign listed the nine grades of port wine available by the glass. Prices started at €3.5 and climbed to €14. The nine wines: Tawny, Ruby, Branco Sweet, Branco Dry, Pink, Reserva, LBV, 10 anos, 20 anos. You can order all nine for €44, or smaller portions of all nine for €30.

You can, but why would you?

Politics. I don’t know if NATO is good or bad, in this context.

Sense of arrival in Porto

Today I ran down to the Douro River and headed west. Whenever we arrive at a new place, I take a leisurely let’s-get-acquainted run, where the stakes are low. It’s okay to get mildly lost, even if it seems impossible to lose your way when you’re running along a river.

Across the Douro, in Gaia, big signs atop stone warehouses proclaimed many of the familiar English and Scottish names — Dow’s, Taylor’s, Offley, Sandeman, Warre…

A delegation of Englishmen arrived hundreds of years ago, looking for wine. War with France had choked off England’s traditional sources, and the rich were thirsty. The gentlemen sampled the local fortified wine, pronounced it excellent and, like Victor Kiam of Remington fame, they bought the company.

Actually they bought pretty much all the companies, and these gentlemen’s descendants still control much of the trade in port wine. They were later joined by Germans, and now many Portuguese are also in on the action.

I accompanied the instructors of the 2018 Urban Sketching Symposium on a tour of the Poças port wine producer. Many hundreds of barrels were seen and sketched.

From Gaia
A view of Porto from Gaia, across the Douro River. Note the Ponte de D. Luis I, on the right.
Another view of the bridge. When completed in 1886, it was the longest bridge of its kind. One of its architects, Théophile Seyrig, was a discipline of Gustave Eiffel.

Airbnb in Porto

We’re staying on Rua das Flores, a street packed with shops and tourists, which serves as one of several pedestrian funnels that feed mobs of tourists to the waterfront.

When our cab driver from the airport first pulled up to our Airbnb rental, he remarked that ten years ago he wouldn’t have risked coming to this street. He would have dropped us at the train station, two blocks away, and told us to walk.

Now it’s safe but, alas, crowded. Porto is in a rush to modernize and accommodate; to be the next Barcelona or Prague. Yellow construction cranes everywhere. Buildings in plastic shrouds. And bluetoothed tourists dutifully trooping behind their murmuring guides.

You hear that Porto is becoming another monument to Airbnb, made unaffordable for locals. The old coffeehouses and street life have vanished, they tell you.

Travel enough, and it’s a familiar lament. “If you’d only seen [Porto…Prague…Athens… Barcelona] before….”

In a few years time, we’ll be making the same wistful comments: “Ah, if you’d only seen Porto back in 2018. Before they brought in midget wrestling and the Baby Olympics.”

Tiled church
The Portuguese haven’t met a decoration they don’t like. The ecclesiastical style is Maximal Encrustation, with a what-the-hell exuberance reminiscent of that other palace of holy excess, San Marco, in Venice.

Stay on the backstreets

Built on the banks of the Douro, Porto’s cobbled streets are often so steep they simply give up and become stairs. They could just as easily qualify as walls. You clamber to the top, duck through a doorway and find yourself in a postage-stamp square, surrounded by thumb-size Renaults and Skodas clinging to the cobbles like cats. How on earth did they get up here?

These dirty backstreets and alleyways, well away from the river, are the best part of Porto. Colourful laundry hanging from windows. Ramshackle houses next to hipster bars. Old people smoking. Cats blinking in the sun. And the mingled aromas of piss and frying chourico sausage.

Old man
This is where you want to be in Porto.
Old man2
As you can see, I’m partial to old men at windows, especially when they’re hanging laundry.
Yellow walls
I dropped in to visit Porto’s Sé Cathedral, just around the corner from this alley, and a trumpeter in the churchyard was playing the traditional Portuguese tune of Hava Nagila.

Palestrina in Porto

High above the city, we lingered over a dinner of grilled sardines and fried hake, accompanied by a half-litre of local wine. Swallows swooped and darted in the gathering dusk. The mãe who hustled racks of sardines into and out of the barbecue came upstairs, drying her hands on her apron. She went from table to table, asking if the fish was to everyone’s liking.

Afterward we drifted downhill, pleasantly lightheaded and grateful.

Outside the Igreja da Misericórda (Church of the Misericord), a few steps from where we’re staying, we saw a knot of people at the door. A concert was about to begin.

Moments later, we were in a pew near the front as the thirty members of the Lapa Polyphonic Choir filed in, men and woman, all in black. The first piece, by Palestrina, left us moist-eyed and limp.

I find myself focusing on a girl in the front row of the choir. A little cross-eyed and with teased hair. Her lips form a perfect O on the vowels. The concentration on her face is perfect, and I feel the music of thirty voices come pouring from her mouth.

My last post, from Strasbourg, was rather dark. But this small concert of sacred music that concluded our second night here reminded me of the stubborn glories of humanity.

Rail and alley.jpg

The European Parliament

We were in Strasbourg, France, and I had planned for my long run to take me into Germany on Friday. I mentioned this at dinner, and a Frenchwoman snorted dismissively. I may as well have said I was going to mix my salade niçoise in the bathroom sink.

You can, but why would you?

As it turns out, I never made it into Germany. The Rhine, which marks the border between two formerly implacable enemies, remained tantalizingly close. But I got slightly lost and, before becoming thoroughly lost, decided to retrace my steps.

World Cup
The World Cup occupies a lot of the conversation here. Tonight we’ll watch the final, I hope.

We’re staying with a friend who lives the Quartier Européen, which is the official seat of the European Parliament, the European Court of Human Rights, with a slab of the Berlin Wall out front, and numberless other organs of European bureaucracy.

The Quartier is massive and seems to have doubled in size since the last time we were here, ten years ago, with gleaming new buildings rising in every direction. The work of government is divided with Brussels and Luxembourg, so when meetings shift from city to city, long caravans of tractor-trailers shuttle equipment and documents. Armies of politicians, bureaucrats, translators, observers and countless other functionaries also migrate, conspicuous on the streets in their dark suits and ties.

The European Parliament Building. In the foreground is the canal along which I ran on several occasions, once in a fruitless attempt to reach Germany.

J. Simpson, Plaintiff

I took a walk the other day, and stood near the gates of the European Court of Human Rights to take pictures of painstakingly hand-lettered posters protesting one outrage or another: cases the Court has heard and dismissed, or refuses to hear, or has decided against.

A thin man in clean, threadbare clothes approached and asked if I knew about the case I was photographing.

“No, I don’t,” I said, bracing myself for what I knew was coming.

“If you will allow,” he said, and for the next forty-five minutes, one J. Simpson expanded on his life. A former software expert, he said he’s had his throat cut. Britain’s MI5 and MI6 are bent on destroying him. Tony Blair is personally involved. Listening devices have been planted. Judges and lawyers bought off. Indeed he’s been under surveillance since his university days forty years ago.

Here’s a quote from the literature he passes out:

…After a blood-spurting, throat-cutting killing I unexpectedly awoke to see the paramedic cut my forehead (Who wanted me to see that?). Subsequent months twitching like a dog, even in a locked cell, included (Number 5 of the 14 most serious) a drugged panic…

I looked into J. Simpson’s eyes for obvious signs of madness. I saw nothing and wondered if the fault was mine. What if he’s absolutely correct about everything and the rest of us are mad?

Simpson, Plaintiff, has bright, pale grey eyes and a stooped posture. Thinning hair and an odd, barking laugh. And the European verbal tic of seeking agreement at the end of a statement by saying “Yeah?”

He’s been camped out here for four years — literally camped out. His small silver tent was just visible above the tall grass across the busy Allée de la Robertsau. It was a cold winter, he said, ten below for weeks at a time. He now lives hand-to-mouth on the meagre savings from his working days. Rides his folding bike to Kehl, just over the border, for tins of sardines (everything is cheaper in Germany). Treats himself to a small wheat beer some evenings. And comes here every day, rain or shine, to talk to strangers about his case.

“How can I help?” I asked.

“Tell people about me.”

I shook his hand and wished him luck. But what I really wanted to do was hug him.

As I retraced my steps over the canal bridge, I heard shouting behind me. There was Mr. J. Simpson, Plaintiff, gesturing broadly and calling at the top of his voice for justice.

J. Simpson
Part of J. Simpson’s lengthy appeal, on the fence opposite the European Court for Human Rights.

Things fall apart

Europe, or the idea of Europe as constituted here, in these buildings, is under attack. Neo-liberals, deracinated bureaucrats, the erasure of national aspirations, sclerotic decision-making, a cabal of billionaires and politicians. The charges are familiar.

I don’t live in Europe, but it seems to me that a vast and unhumorous army of inefficient bureaucrats is preferable to armies with guns. In the twentieth century, Europe was convulsed twice by unspeakable horrors: senseless murder on an industrial scale, chemical warfare, and tens of millions dispossessed and homeless.

The genius of a pan-European government was that these regular spasms would cease. Perhaps erased through the unremitting boredom of bureaucracy, but at least made far less likely. No more appeals to blood and soil, or to the glory of the fatherland.

But now the idea of Europe is under attack. Through a lack of memory and imagination, leaders on every side are dismantling what took so much effort to build. As before, they play on fears, stoke suspicion. And a rough beast with orange skin and yellow hair, the physical embodiment of a lit match, slouches toward Europe to ignite a new conflagration.

Another protest poster, beside J. Simpson’s plea. “Oh, yes. The Roumanian fellow,” said J. Simpson, Plaintiff. “You should speak to him too.”


Goodbye to all that

Time’s passage is visible here in ways that don’t quite square with the clocks and calendars back home.

Canoers in the shadow of my aqueduct, making their way to L’Isle-sur-la-Sorgue downstream.

After only three days, the poppies along the canal where I run have begun to hang their heads. Brilliant and gaudy as dollar-store baubles when I arrived, they’re starting to fade. I was lucky to have seen them. But other wildflowers are replacing them, and still others are as fresh as when we arrived, hosting an all-day pilgrimage of bees and butterflies.

Fig trees, slowly fattening with fruit, proceed at a different pace.

The Petrarch Museum gate was still closed the other day, the proprietor visible on the grounds, dozing in the shade, steps from the wrought iron table where he had laid out the informative pamphlets no one could read. What’s the rush?

What you might see at L’Isle-sur-la-Sorgue, once you get there.

And at breakfast, the cured foods represent an even fatter slice of time. The cheese board always has five or six soft cheeses collapsing in slow motion. Beside that a steel contraption holds a cured ham, together with a knife for slicing off as much as you want. And beside that, a miniature iron gallows from which three dried sausages hang. You unhook a sausage and cut off what you need.

The sausages remind me of a photo I saw last year, of what was purported to be a seven-inch mummified penis “valued” at £100,000. The erect penis was removed from a criminal after he was hanged. Apparently Oscar Wilde was an “admirer of the artifact.”

Wavy tree
Back at Petrarch Garden, in Fontaine de Vaucluse.

Restaurant Philip (1926)

We’ve been here two weeks, and each week has ended on a high note, with dinner at Restaurant Philip (1926), which is purported to be the finest in Fontaine de Vaucluse. It is good. But it’s hard to focus on the food in this enchanted spot.

 Restaurant Philip (1926) is famous, with photos to prove it. There’s one of Winston Churchill and Clementine, who would have been dining a couple of tables over from where we sat. Charlie Chaplin is in another, like us, enjoying a view of the ducks. The Sorgue and the spreading plane trees haven’t changed.

Restaurant Philip (1926) occupies the best site in town, almost at water level and beside the newborn Sorgue emerging from its rocky cradle. Ducks duck underwater to display their bums, as waiters and waitresses whisk around us in crisp uniforms. This entire theatre plays out beneath giant spreading plane trees.

You’ll find ducks everywhere at Fontaine de Vaucluse.

Scrooge McDuck

The next day, we returned to Restaurant Philip (1926) for some lunch and for the soothing, intensely green midday light, filtered through the canopy of trees and reflected from the watery bed of greenery that trails like mermaid’s hair in the sparkling cold water.

We also wanted to watch the ducks. There is no absolute prohibition against feeding animals here — no friendly cartoon characters on a sign explaining that people food is not the same as animal food. So families throw bits of their lunch at the ducks, and the otherwise placid birds turn into turbocharged fiends, thrashing through the water to muscle each other from a crust of bread, leaf of lettuce or shred of magret de canard.

There is no absolute prohibition against cannibalism either. Laissez-faire is French, even if it’s been hijacked to mean that making pots and pots of money, no matter how you make it, is good for everyone.

I can’t help reflecting on this, as I read the papers so far away from home.

Red Rum
A glimpse of Red Rum, in L’Isle-sur-la-Sorgue.

We’re leaving Fontaine de Vaucluse tomorrow, taking the TGV from Avignon to Strasbourg. I doubt if I’ll ever see this place again.

My office
My office, from where I’m writing this.

Petrarch slept here

Every small town has some claim to fame, or at least tries to drum up tourist business based on a white lie or thin connection to celebrity. Georgia Clooney slept here. Or Thom Hanks. Or J.Lo would have slept here, except she told her driver to keep driving.

Fontaine de Vaucluse has a genuine connection to celebrity. Francesco Petrarch, a giant of the Italian Renaissance, did indeed sleep and live here for several years, starting in 1339. His family followed Pope Clement V, who was at the time enthroned (or are popes installed, like dishwashers?) in nearby Avignon.

Our hotel, Hôtel du Poète, is dedicated to Petrarch. But, then, so are cafes and restaurants throughout the town. The Petrarch column, marking the 500th anniversary of the poet’s birth, in 1804, stands in the town square, alongside a pizza truck. There’s also the Petrarch Museum and Petrarch Park.

The park
I believe Petrarch Park and Petrarch Garden are modelled on traditional Tuscan gardens, as Petrarch grew up near Florence. I could easily find out whether this is true, but couldn’t stand the disappointment of possessing a fact. Besides, the Petrarch Museum is closed every time I rattle its gates.
A different and better view of Petrarch Park, painted by Shari Blaukopf.

Dedicated to Laura

To be honest, I didn’t know much about Petrarch before we arrived at Fontaine de Vaucluse. It was a name I absorbed at university: a founding spirit of the Italian Renaissance, an early Humanist — something like that.

As well, I had a vague sense that he wrote sonnets dedicated to an inaccessible Laura. (Of course she’s inaccessible: once accessed, there’s no more reason to write love sonnets.) I looked into this and discovered some satisfying ambiguity. Scholars debate Laura’s identity, as they do Shakespeare’s Dark Lady. Did Laura even exist? Was she an amalgam of several women? Was she a man? Actually, no one suggests she was a man, but it’s fun so.

The leading theory is that she was Laura de Noves, married to the Count Hugue de Sade, an ancestor of the famous pornographer. The French hotly dispute that de Sade was a pornographer, but they also believe Jerry Lewis was a comedian.


A fifty-metre tunnel through solid rock leads to Petrarch Park and the Petrarch Museum.
Museum plaque
The plaque taunts me because the museum is never open. Maybe tomorrow.

The Italian papers

A huge Greek weddings at a downtown Montreal hotel. A guest list north of four hundred. A whirling, deafening crowd of dancing, kissing, hungry Greeks. As usual, the kids are unattended, and soon a gang of us is downing screwdrivers like there’s no tomorrow.

These are delicious, I remember thinking. We should have these at home.

In his little red jacket, the accommodating bartender barely glances at the children harrying him for “One more, please.” His orders are to drive up the bar tab by any means.

I don’t know how many drinks I down, but I soon find myself in a corner with a Greek girl from Philadelphia, telling her about my dream to become an explorer. I don’t like the cold, so my explorations would likely be limited to temperate lacustrine plains and savannahs. Geography is my favourite subject.

She might have relayed her own dreams to me, but I’m not paying attention.

I remember, instead, staggering to the bathroom for a much-needed pee and staring into a red and astonished face in the mirror, into which I splash cold water.

Drunk and in love for the first time. Or drunk with love, or in love with drunkenness. One of these must be correct.

The next day, in the grip of my first-ever hangover, I meet the girl and her cousins at Greenshields Park. We exchange awkward words, don’t refer to the previous night’s declarations. Leave it at that.

But after she returns to the States, I spend half a day downtown looking for writing paper. Eventually I settle on an alarmingly expensive box of creamy Italian-made sheets, decorated with extravagant swirls of colour.

Then, the better part of a day in my locked room, composing draft after draft of a letter, which I finally transcribe with my best fountain pen to the precious sheets.

My handwriting embarrasses me. It has the crabbed, jerky look of a letter the authorities release after some psychopathic outrage. But worse, as if the psychopath was writing it while driving a bumper car and getting bashed at random intervals.

Nevertheless, I send it off and begin haunting the mailbox the very next day, and for days after. Eventually, the girl dutifully replies on a small, pastel-coloured sheet. Just one. And with noticeably less heat.

I write back, and then she writes in return, but eventually the letters peter out and that’s that.

For years, the box of stationery sits in my bottom desk drawer: too expensive to throw out, too embarrassing to even open.

I showed up beneath her window, in a sequinned toreador jacket and Mouseketeer cap. Opening my mouth to sing, a toad leaped out.

Sonnet 227

Here is something better, by Petrarch, from a translation by A.S. Kline.

Breeze, blowing that blonde curling hair,
stirring it, and being softly stirred in turn,
scattering that sweet gold about, then
gathering it, in a lovely knot of curls again,

you linger around bright eyes whose loving sting
pierces me so, till I feel it and weep,
and I wander searching for my treasure,
like a creature that often shies and kicks:

now I seem to find her, now I realise
she’s far away, now I’m comforted, now despair,
now longing for her, now truly seeing her.

Happy air, remain here with your
living rays: and you, clear running stream,
why can’t I exchange my path for yours?


Around the corner
Around the corner from Hôtel du Poète.



Canada Day


July 1, 1966. At Piggery Park, the boy wearing glasses watches the older boys play baseball. They make it look easy, winding up and throwing in slow motion. The white blur, slap of the catching glove.

Afterwards, walking home, he drags a stick along the yard fences to make a machine gun.

Dollar in his pocket, money his parents gave him in the morning just in case. His mother kissed him before leaving for work, when he was still in bed.

At his corner, an older girl stops him and hands him a sheet of paper from a stack she’s carrying. She doesn’t give him a chance to read it, she’s talking so fast. She says all the kids are invited to be part of the Canada Day parade. She says Canada is a beautiful country made up of beautiful people from all over the world. She says to wear clothes that tell where you come from so everyone will know. All this, she says, is explained in the paper.

“Do you want to be in a parade?” she asks.

“Yes,” he says, looking at the paper. He’s never been in a parade.

When he gets home he uses his key to open the door. His family lives upstairs, on the third floor. He turns on the TV and looks again at the paper the older girl gave him, thinking about what he might wear in the parade. He goes through the three closets in the apartment but can’t find anything right for a parade.

All the time, Johnny Jellybean is on the TV and he’s very funny.

The boy goes back to his own closet and looks at his suit, which always makes him feel good when it’s on. He wears it every Sunday morning, with a white shirt and a clip-on bow tie, to go to the big church on Sherbrooke Street with his mother. The church has the highest ceiling the boy has every seen, with a great glittering chandelier hanging from a chain. Clouds of incense fill the air. The sound of men singing like goats. In the ceiling there is a dome, and in the middle of the dome a big eye, blue, looking down. It is God’s eye.

Some of the other boys at church laugh behind their hands because he’s wearing a suit instead of a sweater, like they wear. They think he doesn’t see them but he does. Ever since he got his glasses, he can see everything.

He never says much in class because at recess one day, two of the girls said he speaks like he just got off the boat. When it’s time for the kids to take turns reading a page or two aloud from that week’s book, the teacher never calls on him. She’s given up trying. They think he can’t read. Just off the boat.

The boy goes for extra help in reading on Tuesday afternoons. Miss Butler is very nice and he reads to her. She has red nails and smells of soap. She wears a skirt and the boy always waits for the moment when she crosses her legs.

Johnny Jellybean is finished and now it’s time for a war movie. Men on ships are looking through their binoculars at men on other ships, who are also looking through their binoculars.

Sometimes when his parents are at work, the boy puts on his suit, his shirt and his bow tie, and looks at himself in the mirror. He wets a comb under the bathroom tap and combs his hair.

He does that today, Canada Day, and then has an idea.

He opens the drawers in his mother’s sewing machine and finds what he needs: a spool of red ribbon, needle and thread, a pincushion bristling with pins, and scissors. He takes off his jacket, measures a length of red ribbon around his sleeve and snips the ribbon. It takes a long time to thread the needle with red thread. When he’s done, he begins to sew the ribbon around his sleeve. It’s hard pushing the needle through the thick cloth, and when he’s finished one of his fingers is bleeding. The two ends of the ribbon don’t meet, either.

It looks terrible.

The boy wraps a Kleenex around his bleeding finger and with the tips of the scissors snips the threads along the ribbon. He tries again, this time just pinning the ribbon, without sewing. He’s seen his mother do this. The ribbon is perfect now, and you can hardly see the pins. He pins on a second ribbon a little higher on the sleeve, and then a third. After that, he pins three ribbons to his other sleeve.

In the mirror, he looks fine. Dashing. That’s a word he learned recently, reading with Miss Butler.

All this has taken him a long time, so he checks the paper. Four o’clock. They’re supposed to meet at the corner of St. Roch and Stuart Streets at four o’clock, in the basement of St. Cuthbert’s Church.

He spends another half hour or so pinning red ribbon along the sides of his pants. Then he snips pieces of red ribbon, along with pieces from other ribbons in different colours, and pins them to his breast pocket.

Puts on the suit and stands in front of the mirror. “Aye-aye,” he says, saluting.

Wishes he had a hat, but doesn’t. But he finds plastic binoculars among his old toys and hangs these around his neck.

The clock says it’s nearly four o’clock. Time to go.

In the basement of St. Cuthbert’s church, the older girl with the papers is running around, getting things ready for the parade. The boy counts fifteen other kids, wearing costumes from different countries. Some of the girls have long dresses and are wearing makeup, lipstick even. One boy is dressed as a tsolia, with the white skirt and red shoes. He must be Greek too. Another boy is wearing a sash with two toy pistols. The older girl asks each boy and girl what country they’re from, and writes the name of the country on a piece of white cardboard that she attaches to a stick. They’re supposed to carry this in the parade, like a sign.

When it’s the boy’s turn, he doesn’t know what to say.

“Well, what are you supposed to be?” says the older girl.

“Captain,” says the boy.

“I can see that,” she says. “But from where?”

“Arizona,” he says. He doesn’t know where Arizona is, but he likes the sound of it. He’s captain of Arizona.

“But what country?” she says. “I can hear that you have an accent, so you must come from another country. Which one?”

Looks at her through his binoculars and says nothing.

“Oh, never mind,” she says. She writes Arizona on his sign and hands it to him.

Outside, on the street, the parade is about to begin. What kind of parade is this anyway? There is hardly anyone lined up to see them and hardly any kids. One boy has a drum and a girl has an accordion. She is surprisingly good on the accordion. Her fingers are flying.

They march, and the boy sees his reflection in a store window, the red ribbons on his sleeves and pants marking him out. Dashing. At the corner of St. Roch and Champagneur, the boy has had enough and steps out of the parade. No one stops him.

Still has the dollar, so he climbs the four steps into the snack bar and sits at a stool. An old woman buying something asks him, in Greek, who he is.

“I’m a captain,” he says in Greek. “Captain of Canada.”

“Bless you,” she says, and crosses herself.

With the dollar from his parents, he orders two hot dogs, a fry and a Coke.

The counterman puts the plate in front of him and asks what all the commotion is outside.

“It’s Canada Day,” says the boy in Greek. “Don’t you know that?”